One Sinner, Raising Another

This summer, in the middle of ordinary days with my girls, I kept hearing the same words. "I want to be you, Amma." And then at night, after our bedtime prayers, my elder daughter Esther would whisper, "I love you, and I don't know what I would do without you."

There is a quiet pride that rises up — Yes! I did a good job today. But right behind it is a gentle reminder — deep down, I know what they don't fully see yet. I know how broken I am. I know how much help I need, every single day, just to get through it. I think of the times I have lost my patience right in front of them, my voice too sharp, my face too serious, over something that, an hour later, didn't even matter. They watched that too. If I'm honest with myself, it feels like one sinner trying to fix another sinner.

Thankfully, I am not doing this alone. I am surrounded by mothers who love the Lord and who give me steady, sound guidance when I need it most. And I keep going back to the same place for my real parenting notes — the Bible. I wanted to know what was on the minds of the great leaders of Scripture as they raised kings for a nation. What were they aiming at? What did they want their sons and daughters to become?

It struck me, reading through the book of Kings, how the pattern repeats. When a king did evil, it says plainly — he did evil like his father before him. And when a king did good, there is often a mother mentioned by name. Josiah is one of them: "He did what was right in the eyes of the LORD and walked in all the way of David his father... His mother's name was Jedidah" (2 Kings 22:1-2). That detail has stayed with me. It wasn't incidental to the writer of Kings — it was worth recording, alongside the throne and the reign, that a mother had shaped this.

God assigned mothers and fathers such an important role — not simply to provide for basic needs, but to shape a young mind and heart to love the Lord with all their mind, all their strength, all their heart. "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength" (Deuteronomy 6:5) — one of the greatest commandments.

Sometimes I imagine what it would look like if God was judging our performance as parents. How well do you know my ways? How well have you taught them my ways? How well have you modelled my ways to them? I read something once that has become my honest answer to those questions: my worst was horrible, and my best wasn't good enough — but Jesus, I fully trust Your love for me. The truth is, there is nothing good apart from You.

Here's something else I've been thinking about. When we marry, we can see the traits of our spouse's parents in them. And then, slowly, over years of shared life, both partners start picking up each other's habits — the good ones and the not-so-good ones — until you become like each other in strange, small ways. A certain look across the room tells my husband dinner might be a little too salty. A certain noise from the kitchen tells me she needs an extra pair of hands.

Is that the finish line, then — to grow so close to each other, so alike, that we can look at how far we've come and call it enough? No. The race isn't done, because that closeness was never the real aim. If sharing life with another person can shape us this much, how much more can sharing life with God? When we spend time with Him, something happens from the inside out — a transformation — and what grows on the inside eventually shows up on the outside as fruit. The goal was never to become the perfect husband, wife, mother, or father, a copy of each other or of our own parents. The goal is to become like Jesus, who alone is perfect.

And when that transformation actually happens, you don't just become a copy of your father or mother. You become a better version of them.

That is my prayer for my girls, and for myself: not like me — better than me, like Jesus.

Meet the Author

Gini is a guest writer who shares thoughtful reflections on the gospel and its connection to everyday life. Learn more about the author and see what else they've written.

Credits: Bible quotes are from the English Standard Version (ESV), and photos are via Unsplash.